Derailing the Bartram

Well, after a long absence, we see the sniveling, whip-cracking prick known as "Solomon" has reemerged from his dank cave (but not before first gorging himself on bat guano, the secret to his 325 years of age), to postulate about Odyssey and the HMS Sussex. Today over on HHI he posted:

The whole [HMS Sussex] story is a crock.

So here we are, after many years and many millions of dollars, and now Odyssey has to admit that they still don't know what they have. No surprise there, then.

And the UK government? Is it still behind Odyssey? Well, they detained the Alert. One of its agents even came to me to ask what should be done - we have been in talks for quite a while. Yes, the government is behind Odyssey: perhaps they should watch their collective back.

A note: we know exactly what ship Odyssey has (and it isn't the Sussex). ~ Solomon

We know Bartram likes to muse about his whips, and the Sussex is a dead horse he can't stop flailing. We find it amusing that he repeatedly claims absolute certainty that the historical record is complete enough for him to rule with finality on the narrative of the doomed ship. As if he had open access to view Odyssey's own substantial research on the vessel (which, we'll kindly remind everyone convinced the UK government to enter into an exclusive partnership). From his tiny perch located square in the heart of Fatfuckingloserham, UK, he simply pronounces the Sussex history a "crock." Just like that kids, the story's over. Go on home, now.

He even claims to know the actual identity of the shipwreck Odyssey did find, and guess what? It ain't the Sussex! (Gosh, you'd think the media might be interested in that breaking news, eh? Maybe Bartram should call John Colapinto again to see if he can actually fleece a New Yorker writer twice?)

But, hey? Since when did inconvenient facts and the lack of convincing historical proof to back up such certainty ever stop the HHI nitwits from making definitive pronouncements about anything?

Note also the reemergence of another predictable Bartranism: that is, his less-than-subtle innuendo that he's "in the know" about Odyssey with super-secret sources; hell, he even claims these "sources" are consulting him about "what to do" with the Alert. Now ain't that something? He also apparently possesses enough information to level a threat at his own government regarding their ongoing relationship with Odyssey. Yowza.

We all know this sort of guy: In actual life, he's the one who has never done anything of merit, yet still demands respect and admiration for his now booze-saturated imaginary accomplishments. And when that doesn't work, he resorts to the "I know something very important, but I can't tell you because my sources only trust me with this information." In other words, you'll know more when he deems it necessary for you to know more, which will be never, because there's nothing there to know. (Got that?)

It's the equivalent of the first explorers flashing pretty (but worthless) trinkets to gain the attention and obedience of savages. Problem is, this trick is well out of fashion in the modern era (well, unless you're dealing with Doc and you show him some fancy plastic cards that magically deliver instant gratification).

Of course, we've seen this before with Bartram: he pulled the same pathetic trick when he claimed, also from an alleged secret "high-level" source, that mass arrests of Spanish Government officials were imminent for illegally consorting with Odyssey. Predictably, nothing ever materialized and old Stinky hopes ya'll forgot all about that one. Well, we didn't.

So, listen up, Solomon, HH Watch has put you on Super Secret Double Probation, and even though you don't know what that is, or what it means, you better watch yourself, 'cause something's gonna happen sucka. Because we know people. High-level people. And they know you. And they don't like you, or your kind. Ahhh, we're just pulling your chain, Johnny Boy! The reality is, no one likes you. So we're not going out on a limb on that one.

Finally, one side observation of interest: Bartram has yet to comment on his Cabin Boy's "update" on the supposed Spanish shipwreck find in the Caribbean. Which is odd, for if you read the entire thread on HHI, Solomon repeatedly pats Doc's head for "progress" on this undoubtedly ground-breaking shipwreck discovery. (Right.) This must be most troubling to Doc, especially since his other HHI mates are launching projects all over Europe. The poor fella is bearing quite the load at the moment, so to lose the patronizing nod of the Master? Oh Dearie! How much can a village idiot take?

We think it would be amusing to learn of Bartram's thoughts on those who claim bankruptcy. We don't think it's much of a stretch to imagine him saying that ruinous debt is the result of a weak mind, poor character, and an utter lack of self-control. The remedy? But of course: A well-deserved thrashing with Ye Old Horse Whip followed by some serious time for self-contemplation (not to mention healing) in a debtors prison.

Doc should be relieved he wasn't toiling for Master Bartram's estate a few hundred years ago, no?