The Head that Swells

Apropos our new poll, and just a couple of days after launching it, Sir Solomon the Angry Twit’s™ head has swollen to near fatal, or at least near-stroke, proportions. What could set off the already trigger-happy-hostile Brit? Oh, we don't know, perhaps Odyssey's press release last week announcing the arrests of two new historic shipwrecks found near the Channel Islands?

Now, we know OMEX gets under Solomon's flaky skin something fierce, even more so than his annoying half-witted American cousin, Twit Minor (aka Doc), but this latest announcement drove the Angry Twit to not only rage about Odyssey, but also to display, once again, his clear and open disdain for Americans and our supposed lack of national intelligence. We HH Watch guys are obviously stupid and sophomoric, but we don't think our actions we should represent an entire nation of people, especially not one with our GDP and level of productivity. Just saying.

Solomon: "Odyssey's claims have become so standardised - in wording and pretentiousness - as to be boring."

Well, let's not waste any time getting to it, Big Boy. Hey, this is certainly a nice change, who knew the evil overlords of treasure hunting and archaeology could be so, how do you say?, pedestrian? Nice!

Solomon: "'...outside the territorial waters or contiguous zone of any sovereign nation' - isn't it always? Maybe it is, but I wouldn't believe them just because they say so. It would be hard to find a non-territorial/non-contiguous free inch in the English Channel. 'The sites both contain cannon...' - sure they do and yet they cannot bring themselves to identify the ships.

Let's take this one point by point for the dopey dense one:

• Yes, Odyssey exclusively hunts for shipwrecks outside other nation's territorial waters; this is, in fact, one of the core tenants of their strategic business plan
• You don't believe them because they said so, but as investors, public words are critically important, and Odyssey takes them quite seriously.
• Um, and finally, Odyssey didn't identify the shipwrecks because, as it said, they don't know yet what they have. They arrested the sites so they may make a determination. So, stay tuned (we're sure you will).

Solomon: "They've sold tickets before on their magical, mystery tour and I'm not buying."

Really? Gosh, who knew? We'll be sure to alert the media about this breaking news item.

Solomon: "This one is so priceless they have to repeat it every time: 'believed to date from the Colonial period...'. How totally meaningless. Well, to anyone who isn't American. Whose colonial period, exactly? They could not be more vacuous if they tried."

Of course, he's right, we Americans all -- everyone of us! -- drink beer, eat donuts, and scratch our private parts while watching the Simpsons. But ain't it funny how many people around the planet still strive to live and work here along with their families? Including many Brits, whom, from what we can see, appear to be increasingly dominating our major news services (which is okay with us, for the record). Go figure.

Solomon: "'Company’s archaeological and conservation teams..." - they missed out the 'heroic' this time, which is some relief. Come on, Stemm, tell us who you've got labelled as archaeologists. Give us a good belly laugh. 'Odyssey’s core business is shipwreck exploration and archaeological excavation...' - no, it isn't, you dunces. Go read a book, or watch some intelligent television (difficult to find, I know, but the truth is out there) and find out what is archaeology. Then hang your heads in shame. Numbskulls."

Wow, "vacuous," "dunces," "numbskulls"...we're surprised he left out "poopy heads" and "farty faces."

More seriously, this is now several times the Angry Twit has accused Odyssey of not practising archaeology, or not having archaeologists on staff, both of which are obvious lies. Once again, we think Solomon's rants are increasingly veering into the libelous, defamation zone. We hope Odyssey is paying attention to these remarks, especially considering the far lower standard of proving libel in the UK (which, frankly, we wish we had here as well). We suspect they are.

So there you have it. We'd say the Angry-Twit-Head-o-Rage-Meter® is now at a solid 3.5. (Oh, rest assured, we're working on some mighty righteous graphics to illustrate this!). Don't worry, we'll give plenty of warning when that goofy melon begins to show signs of blowing!

You don't want to be sprayed by that rabid mess.